Try to be a better wing man next time

(Not for me…I don’t need a wingman)

I saw my friend Matt on Friday night. Some of my friends were at a local bar, where Matt works. I stopped in and gave him a hug, said hello, and then let him get back to work while I went to a booth with some of my friends. A little later, he texted me “come over here” so I went back to the bar. He told me he wanted me to meet his friends. He’s my friend, they’re his friends, it made sense to me. Three guys, all seemed nice, normal, we had insignificant but pleasant conversation. I talked mostly with one guy, Sam. I learned that he has lived in this Midwestern state his whole life, he studies something to do with golf courses, he dropped out of his previous school, and he wants to move to Santa Cruz, CA. As I was about to head back to the booth, I told them that there was an event the next day and if Matt was going, I would be happy to get them all guest-passes. Matt said, “I have to work tomorrow, but you should definitely exchange numbers with Sam and meet up tomorrow.” Subtle. Not to be rude, I said sure, we exchanged numbers, he texted (from across the room) that it was nice to meet me.
The next day I was happy not to hear from Sam. I would have been happy to hang out if Matt was coming but as I’m only going to be living in this town two more weeks, I don’t have any interest in pursuing anyone new.
On Wednesday I saw Matt at the gym. We caught up and he casually mentioned that Sam had gotten a DUI on Friday.
Me: Did you tell him he’s an idiot?
Matt: Well, it wasn’t really his fault. The guy who owns the bar kicked him out so he didn’t really have anywhere to go, and he was pissed off and such.
Me: Mmhmm not his fault at all…

Also, Matt mentioned that Sam drove into a corn field. It just makes it that much sadder.
After the weekend had passed, Matt texted me about Sam again–I think you should talk to my friend Sam. You guys would get along. I’m not trying to be a matchmaker but he just asked about you again.
I politely said given the short amount of time I had left here, I wasn’t interested unless I was hanging out with Matt.

There are several key factors in this whole interaction, other than my leaving in 2 weeks, that have left me terribly unimpressed:
1. Sam, really: Never tell a girl you “dropped out” of school. You’re back in school now! Just say you transfered. Maybe even come up with a legitimate-sounding reason such as that the first school “didn’t have the major that I wanted” or “wasn’t diverse enough.” I don’t really care, but just say something to appease the questions that are provoked when someone switches schools. (Did he rape someone and get asked to leave? Did he cheat on a test? Maybe he slept with a Prof…actually, that might be kind of hot.)
2. Matt, you are a really awful wing man. On the off chance I needed a wing man, I would pick someone else. (Well, actually I would pick a girl, but that’s besides the point.) Matt should never, ever have told me that Sam got a DUI. And left pissed off, thus “justifying” driving away. Not only does this make Sam look completely stupid, it squelches any chance that Matt ever had with me. And be real, he wants that chance.
3. There are more subtle ways of promoting interaction between two people. For example, Matt could have omitted that he was definitely not going to be free on Saturday. If Sam asked for my number, I probably still would have given it to him, but without Matt’s awkward catalyst for the exchange. Also, I’m pretty sure if your friend asks about a girl, it’s man-code not to tell the girl.
Better luck next time Sam.

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