December 7th, me: Maybe you should get new friends? Tooth gel is pretty important, at least to me. Did you go on any dates? Are you into older women? I would definitely be intrigued by an old woman telling me I have a beautiful soul.
December 7th, TGM: i see. if i were a 60 year old woman i would be more your type. well… i guess i could get a sex change and then try again in a few decades. you’re right. i should get new friends, tooth gel friends. i think today i will go hang around the tooth gel section of the store and try to make some new friends. as much as the 60 year old women intrigued me, i have not gone on any dates yet. and yes. i am into older women. why would i waste my time with a 21 year old woman? yuck! gross! who in their right mind would ever want to go out with a young woman when he could go out with a nice 60 year old? think of all the money i could save on senior discounts!
December 13th, TGM: so that’s it then? you describe yourself to me as a frigid calculating thief who causes lots of unnecessary drama AND shares a passion for tooth gel, MY DREAM GIRL!!! and then you just stop talking to me? my heart my heart. the only way i have been able to deal with the pain is brushing all day every day with extra gel. but then again the gel is such a painful reminder of what we shared. i may have to switch to paste! how could you do this to me? you have ruined my life!!!
December 23rd, me: The other day I was running through the woods. Sometimes I envision a tiger or a child on a pogo stick chasing me because it inspires me to run faster. I was wearing gloves because when you run and then it is so cold that your fingers ache and you can’t bend your knuckles and your skin is so dry that it feels like it’s cracking, it’s quite unpleasant. Gloves are crucial. The pathway is thin and not always well marked. Roots ebb and flow around and over and you step on them, cognizant and careful. I came to a clearing where the grass was shorter, as if a family of deer had only just risen from their slumber, and you were far enough from the continuation of forest, of engulfing trees, that you could see through them and make out individual characteristics – the large oak with it’s stump, just beginning to be hollowed out by critters, having fallen to the ground I’d guess within the past year, maybe last winter. And I though aha!
December 23rd, TGM: when i ride my bike it’s freezing cold so i always bundle up with gloves and a ski mask! people often stare at me in my ski mask especially when it’s over 60 degrees, but it gets really cold on my bike with the wind. there are no tigers or pogo sticked children chasing me, but sometimes i am in a battlestar gallactica space fighter blasting through the universe. the other day while riding through the park a seagull was flying towards me. i had the bone chilling dread that it was going to poop on me. it was flying in a perfect line and i KNEW it was going to poop right over me. then just like a bomber plane it released it’s spew perfectly to fall right on me. everything started to happen in slow motion. i had to swerve to avoid the poo. the only place to turn was to the left right into the path of an oncoming van! i turned into the van! i couldn’t help it. the poo was flying at me. i did not want to get pood on!!! but then facing a head on collision with a van, i realized the poo wasn’t so bad. so i turned back into the path of the poo and got some on my leg 😦
December 24th, me: I am going to be a professional tambourine shiner in a couple of years, once I finish my training. I wanted to shine triangles but only truly elite people are able to do that. Perhaps if you retire from gambling, you will shine triangles?
He hasn’t responded yet, maybe he’s tired of my games.