We’re just friends

A friend of mine (“SappyDrunk” i.e. “SD”) is in a tricky situation.  He is sort-of dating a girl, but it is long distance and he is an emotional person.  We talk a lot.  We joke a lot.  He calls/texts me when he’s drunk a lot.  We’re just friends…

SD: you ares a cull one.  Yyou arre little and hilarious ang fun and even if you weren’t I wuiuld still be friends with you just for your couch (I have a couch that I am very, very fond of).

SD: Hahahah missin my shortie.                                                                                                     Me: Hahaha…miss you too SD.  How was the flight home?                                                      SD: Omg.  R we gonna have a text convo!?!?!?  That would make my day.  It was long/boring…how’s life?                                                                                                                   Me: Lol it seems that way…I am no longer ill, I think, so that’s good.  Maybe it’s my body’s way of compensating for thanksgiving (not eating now).  How’s home?                                  SD: Interesting hahaha your life is outta hand…I’d be so down to drink in your basement and play pool right now                                                                                                                     Me: So home is not as exciting as time with me?  Figures : ) Dinner now talk to you later alligator…hahaha I’m such a dork                                                                                                  SD: Your sorta r.  But I’m a fan.                                                                                                            SD: Shortie I just read that  comment…I’m literally crying I’m laughing so hard.  I know I said I’d stop with the little person jokes but you are a little cute tiny person that is always smiling and laughing saying “resistance is futile” Hahahahahahahaha              Me: Lol well if my angsty comment didn’t go over I’m glad you at least had a laugh from it.  How’s your day going?                                                                                                                             SD: Haha it’s going great.  I think we’re on the fast track to best friendship.                           Me: Haha excellent, nothing could make me happier.                                                                      SD: Hahaha.  Little Shortie is a BIG friend.  I’ll stop now.                                                         Me: Dork.                                                                                                                                             SD: Don’t make fun I know you enjoy me
Me: Yeah ok fine
SD: Hahahah you admitted it!  Hey to make you feel equal I enjoy you too!  That’s all.  I’ll stop annoying you.                                                                                                                              Me: Haha thanks SD and no annoyance.    I just got my haircut.  My hairdresser says she can tell when people are spiritual because they smell like roses…wtf.                                        SD: Hahahah she is more weird than you
Me: Seemed impossible eh.  Although you provided strong competition when you came over…hahah
SD: I normally try to hide it more.  But I feel comfortable around you so it isn’t really necessary.

SD: Littellllerrrr Shortiiieeeee

SD: Drunking texting disaster Shortie.  Disaster                                                                        Me: Next time spell check?  But I always like hearing from you.  How is your day?  I am working and stressing…ahhhhhh                                                                                                          SD: I hope you’re sitting on me while you write (the couch) [*I entertained the idea of naming my couch after him.]                                                                                                             Me: Haha the couch still isn’t named!  Maybe I’ll name it Betsy.  Or something neutral?  Blake?
SD: How weird is this newfound friendship?  It’s so odd.
Me: Us or us + my couch?
SD:Both. Noo I am way more comfortable than a Blake.  I’m a cuddler and your couch embodies the essence of the word/ practice of cuddling.  I like your couch more than you.  Me: Woah.  Big step back in our friendship.  That was really hurtful.
SD: Shortieeee.  It doens’t mean I don’t really really like Shortie it just means I like your couch a little more.
Me: : (
SD: Like on the friend scale your a 9.4 out of 10 and your couch is a 9.405.
Me: You’re* for the first one.  Fine.  I need some time to heal but I guess I’ll get over it.  SD: You me couch.  10/10 on the friend scale.  Tripod.
SD: Smile Shortie.  You’re cute sad but you’re way cuter happy.
Me: Nice, I like the tripod.  Haha thanks SD, you’re sweet.
SD: No I’m a giant ass.

SD: Shortieeee.  I wish every girl was as interesting as you.  It’s seriously a problem the bar I’m at…everyone sucks.
Me: SD SD : )  I hope you meet someone interesting.
SD: Hahaha you are weird.

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