A friend of mine (“SappyDrunk” i.e. “SD”) is in a tricky situation. He is sort-of dating a girl, but it is long distance and he is an emotional person. We talk a lot. We joke a lot. He calls/texts me when he’s drunk a lot. We’re just friends…
SD: you ares a cull one. Yyou arre little and hilarious ang fun and even if you weren’t I wuiuld still be friends with you just for your couch (I have a couch that I am very, very fond of).
SD: Hahahah missin my shortie. Me: Hahaha…miss you too SD. How was the flight home? SD: Omg. R we gonna have a text convo!?!?!? That would make my day. It was long/boring…how’s life? Me: Lol it seems that way…I am no longer ill, I think, so that’s good. Maybe it’s my body’s way of compensating for thanksgiving (not eating now). How’s home? SD: Interesting hahaha your life is outta hand…I’d be so down to drink in your basement and play pool right now Me: So home is not as exciting as time with me? Figures : ) Dinner now talk to you later alligator…hahaha I’m such a dork SD: Your sorta r. But I’m a fan. SD: Shortie I just read that comment…I’m literally crying I’m laughing so hard. I know I said I’d stop with the little person jokes but you are a little cute tiny person that is always smiling and laughing saying “resistance is futile” Hahahahahahahaha Me: Lol well if my angsty comment didn’t go over I’m glad you at least had a laugh from it. How’s your day going? SD: Haha it’s going great. I think we’re on the fast track to best friendship. Me: Haha excellent, nothing could make me happier. SD: Hahaha. Little Shortie is a BIG friend. I’ll stop now. Me: Dork. SD: Don’t make fun I know you enjoy me
Me: Yeah ok fine
SD: Hahahah you admitted it! Hey to make you feel equal I enjoy you too! That’s all. I’ll stop annoying you. Me: Haha thanks SD and no annoyance. I just got my haircut. My hairdresser says she can tell when people are spiritual because they smell like roses…wtf. SD: Hahahah she is more weird than you
Me: Seemed impossible eh. Although you provided strong competition when you came over…hahah
SD: I normally try to hide it more. But I feel comfortable around you so it isn’t really necessary.
SD: Littellllerrrr Shortiiieeeee
SD: Drunking texting disaster Shortie. Disaster Me: Next time spell check? But I always like hearing from you. How is your day? I am working and stressing…ahhhhhh SD: I hope you’re sitting on me while you write (the couch) [*I entertained the idea of naming my couch after him.] Me: Haha the couch still isn’t named! Maybe I’ll name it Betsy. Or something neutral? Blake?
SD: How weird is this newfound friendship? It’s so odd.
Me: Us or us + my couch?
SD:Both. Noo I am way more comfortable than a Blake. I’m a cuddler and your couch embodies the essence of the word/ practice of cuddling. I like your couch more than you. Me: Woah. Big step back in our friendship. That was really hurtful.
SD: Shortieeee. It doens’t mean I don’t really really like Shortie it just means I like your couch a little more.
Me: : (
SD: Like on the friend scale your a 9.4 out of 10 and your couch is a 9.405.
Me: You’re* for the first one. Fine. I need some time to heal but I guess I’ll get over it. SD: You me couch. 10/10 on the friend scale. Tripod.
SD: Smile Shortie. You’re cute sad but you’re way cuter happy.
Me: Nice, I like the tripod. Haha thanks SD, you’re sweet.
SD: No I’m a giant ass.
SD: Shortieeee. I wish every girl was as interesting as you. It’s seriously a problem the bar I’m at…everyone sucks.
Me: SD SD : ) I hope you meet someone interesting.
SD: Hahaha you are weird.